Does Your Spouse Have Your Passwords?

I was trading emails with a friend of mine a year or two ago that had recently gotten married. He had asked me if I had any suggestions to help him ward off some of his ex-girlfriends from trying to reconnect with him online. I remember giving him a few suggestions, one of which was to insure that his wife had all of the username and passwords to all of his email / social media accounts.

From Facebook to Gmail, she should have it all. He replied and said that he thought that was a bit too ‘extreme.’ Interesting enough, I found out quite recently that he is NO LONGER married.

For generations, married couples have toggled between what should be shared between one another, and what should remain exclusive and separate. From his or her cars, to his or her bank accounts, many married couples today find solace in knowing that there is at least one aspect of their lives that they can still enjoy by themselves outside of their spouse.

However, I am glad my wife and I are NOT one of those couples!

I am extremely thankful that my wife (Imani) has complete access to all of my online activity. From my personal email accounts, to both my Facebook and Twitter accounts, there is nothing that she cannot access if she desires to do so. While I may only be 35 years old, I have learned that when it comes to maintaining a healthy marriage in today’s media-saturated culture…

…spouse can be the greatest SPAM BLOCKER anyone can find.

Now before someone reading this today assumes that this access is one-sided, know that I have access to her accounts as well. However, if you asked each of us today how many times we’ve checked each other’s accounts, we probably couldn’t tell you. It is very rare.

Our decision to provide one another with access to our individual online activities was not a result of any distrust towards each other, but rather a reflection of trust. More often than not, it is the presence of accountability that is often more stronger than accountability itself.

Whenever I’m online, there are places I just don’t go, as well as people I refuse to connect with primarily because whenever I do, my activity online does not only represent myself alone. It represents (and impacts) her as well.

You’d be surprised how many ‘status’ updates I have deleted before they were ever posted, simply because something inside of me told me I probably should run it by her first. And as it so often turns out, I was right to do so. I have even found my wife to be a great filter as it relates to certain work related emails I just KNEW I needed to send to a boss or a co-worker, yet by sending them to her FIRST, I discovered how often the tone of my emails trumps my words. Because of this, her email has found a permanent home in my BCC fields!

For those reading this today who are married and still keep certain online activities hidden away from their spouses, please know that there are more marriages today destroyed by the click of a mouse, than any hotel room in America. Marriage exclusivity, especially when it comes to finance, is a dangerous game to play.

While some have managed to make it work, there are far too many examples of failure to permit your marriage to rely heavily upon it. Trust me; there is no greater compliment in the world for me and my wife to receive than to hear others tell us that when they see us together…we look and act as ONE.

While ONENESS is something that at times can be difficult (especially when it comes to finances or social media outlets), know that it is in ONENESS that our God finds his greatest delight:

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become ONE flesh.” – Ephesians 5:31v.

May we always pursue HIS delight in our marriages.